Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Apples of War!

The TSA was befuddled. It was supposed to be a computer, but there weren't any ports in the back. The x-ray revealed that there was no hard drive. What kind of heinous son-of-al Qaeda was this?

The TSA was on the job, my friend. They did not intend to let this MacBook Air wreak its sleek industrial design on the unsuspecting flying public.

No sir, the TSA does not care one iota for this rapidly developing "technology" that "benefits" humanity at the expense of flying safety. They don't care for it one bit. Not one of them has an iPhone for quick internet research for a reason, mister!

They have given Apple notice that they are not going to take its "technology" lying down before, when someone dared cross their path with the Apple iPod accelerometer in his Nike running shoes when going through security.

Apparently, the media has failed us again by failing to mention that terrorists are now deploying industrial-designer terror devices with the Apple logo shining on the front cover. (New al Qaeda wordy ad slogan: "We're going to kill you American devils, but be assured that we'll send you to hell with style and industrial élan!")

The poor Apple early adopter paid the ultimate price, above and beyond the SSD option price tag. He missed his flight while the TSA drones tried to figure out what danger the MacBook Air's Solid-State-Drive (SSD) posed to flight safety.

Mind you, one young TSA agent knew exactly what it was and told the others. They didn't believe his voodoo talk. Never mind that a paltry 64GB SSD doesn't present a threat to a business meeting let alone a flight.

The decidedly unhip TSA drones made the detainee start it up and prove it was a computer by running a program. Disappointed, they eventually let him pass.

On a similar note, according to the TSA blog, it turns out that San Francisco International Airport (SFO) and other local TSA offices "reign of terror" has ended thanks to consumer complaints and inquiries to the national website. The local offices were making passengers take all electronics and cords out of their bags all on their own initiative.

The national office found that local TSA offices just wanted to see every Blackberry, PDA , digital camera and all their cords and chargers despite the fact that federal regulations didn't require it and that it created a significant delay to the lines. The national office ended the practice within the week.

I was surprised recently at SFO with the order to empty all electronics, cords and chargers into trays on a recent trip. It added a half an hour to the already tedious wait in line as all the surprised passengers tried to quickly comply. It also took me about 10 trays by the time I fully unpacked my carry-on and computer bag.

Well done, SFO TSA! You really know how to put the "ass" in "hassle"!