Conversations Never Heard on MUNI

"I don't know why people think physicists are all nerds. Just the other night we were pulling an all-nighter in the lab when a superstring fight theoretically broke out."

"The other night, Marty and I were having dinner with friends when, naturally, the conversation turned to the Higgs boson."

"Omigod, Marjorie, it's him! I could just die. I wish a black hole would open up and swallow the light whole!"

"He's so indecisive. Multiverses blink in and out of existence while he tries to choose a restaurant."

"Look what I spelled with my iPhone calculator! Oh, wait, it doesn't work."

"Hey baby, wanna get physics-al?"

The NSA Can Hear You Now

AT&T, Verizon and several other telecoms reportedly opened their networks to the NSA for the Bush Administration's warrantless wiretapping program.

The Billboard Liberation Front decided to improve the telecoms billboards around San Francisco to reflect the telecoms' free "public service" work.

With the public's "best interests" at heart, why not shout it from the rooftops? Read more here.

Glass Beach - Ft. Bragg, CA

File this under places that I'd like to visit. North of Pt. Arena, CA along the coast lies Ft. Bragg, CA. Years ago, the public dump was along this stretch of beach.

As the years went by, all the refuse was claimed by the ocean, including the broken glass. As winter storms roll through, it rolls more of the now polished glass back onto Glass Beach.

This small area of beach glows in the sun with glass pebbles. People come from all over to find treasures from what was once trash.

I worked once on a project in Pt. Arena, but I was only there briefly. I'd like to drive up the Pacific Coast Highway to Pt. Arena again and go further north to Glass Beach. Perhaps it will make a nice long weekend trip next September.

The Zen of Ralph Wiggum

Ralph: (sings) "A-B-C-D-E-F-G..." (pause) "How I wonder where you are!"


When Ralph Wiggum, everybody's favorite special, hyper-happy, feel-bad-for boy on The Simpsons, opens his mouth, funny things fall out.

Here is a site with some Ralphisms. It has quotes from other characters as well.

This one lists more and includes the episode number.

Ralph, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

What's your favorite Ralphism?

Beauty Above Me

Too often, I forget to look up. I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing, that I forget to look up and see the beauty around me. We all do it.

When I lived in Arizona, after a time, the beautiful vistas I saw every day became routine. If I looked with purpose to see the mountains, I could still see the beauty, but most of the time, I took it for granted.

We're taught, as American Indians, to greet God in the morning - to thank God for giving us the gift of life each new day. (Technically, we are supposed to do this at dawn, but since God gave me ADHD, I have to think that he understands that mornings are tough.)

As a Cherokee, I sing the morning song and say my morning prayer. The purpose of the prayer is to show gratitude for God and to remind me of the beauty around me.

I'm very fortunate to have lived and visited so many beautiful places. But even in the middle of Kansas, there is beauty to be seen (a gift from my mother is to see that beauty).

I adapted a Navajo prayer to conform to my Cherokee culture, where we have seven points of reference, instead of six. I also use the Cherokee order of the cardinal points.

Beauty above me, I walk in beauty,
Beauty below me, I walk in beauty,
Beauty to the East of me, I walk in beauty,
Beauty to the South of me, I walk in beauty,
Beauty to the West of me, I walk in beauty,
Beauty to the North of me, I walk in beauty,
Beauty within me, I walk in God's beauty every day of my life.

As in all things Indian, there is a lot of meaning packed into "beauty". Beauty is a metaphor for love, for instance. Each cardinal point has its own meaning ascribed to it, as well. For the purpose of this post, it serves to remind us that we are surrounded by beauty each moment in our lives.

Most importantly in this age of bad body image and where the world can beat down your spirit, the last line reminds me that I have value and beauty in God's eyes. I have a pretty healthy ego, but it still helps me to remember that I often view myself from the wrong perspective.

I have friends from every religion and even atheists. I respect each person's right to choose his or her religion or lack thereof.

But, I think that every one of us needs to pause each day and feel gratitude for the beautiful things that we are fortunate enough to see and experience every day. We need to believe that there is something bigger than ourselves - above, below, around and within us.

Adaptive Radiation and Prejudice

I watched a show on the Science Channel today about "Flat-faced Man" , a fossil discovered in Kenya in 1999. Analysis showed that the fossil was a contemporary of Lucy, but was a different species.

It proved that humans, like other animals, evolved in an adaptive radiation pattern. In other words, there could be different variations of humans competing for the same resources at the same time. Previously, it was thought that humans were somehow different in that we evolved singularly.

Is prejudice is an evolutionary adaptation designed to allow one species to win out over another similar species? It would be easier to see another similar species as adversaries for scarce resources. Perhaps it made violence against the "other" easier in that competition for survival.

I can see similar interactions among, say, lions and leopards. And among the same species, the meerkat comes to mind. A meerkat family always fights outside meerkat families to maintain territory.

As homo sapiens ascended to the top of the heap, perhaps prejudice was easily turned within our species. We began seeing the different features of our fellow humans within our territory as a challenge to our stability and survival. The difference became a challenge to our group's hegemony over the "other".

Even if it is instinctual, it doesn't mean that we should give into the baser instinct of prejudice. It just reinforces that we must try to rise above it. But it does explain why prejudice is in all of us, as well as the violence that accompanies it.

Fire and Light

After the heavy topic of the last post, which left me unsettled, I thought about places that I go for comfort, to pray, or to just be alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes, I get too wrapped up in myself and lose my sense of how I fit into the world. I am focused on the micro instead of the macro.

Some places seem to "magically" recenter me.

One is the Grand Canyon. It is one of those places that makes one feel small, but appropriately so. But it is hard to get to and to be alone without significant effort and planning.

Likewise, I like to sit on a beach all alone and watch the waves crashing in. It also centers me and reminds me of my place in this world.

But neither a beach nor the Grand Canyon have the energy of my favorite places.

One place that everyone seems to think has spiritual significance is Sedona, Arizona.

There is something about the red rock with the green flora against the azure sky that creates palpable energy.

My theory is that it is the reflected light in certain parts of the spectrum from which we feel energy.

Something about red rock and blue sky seems to be a prime example. It just gives off a certain energy that is hard to describe.

Even the adobe buildings in Santa Fe give me a certain buzz on a sunny day.

But only when the sun shines. I don't get the same feeling when I'm in Sedona or Santa Fe on a cloudy day.

My all time favorite place to get spiritual and re-energized is in the Superstition Mountains.

Again, the light reflects off the canyon's rock walls ending up in small area with a stream.

There is an indescribable energy in this place. You have to drive a dangerous mountain road to get here, but everyone stops at this particular spot.

There is nothing unusually beautiful other than the effect of the reflected light.



I always left this canyon feeling better than when I came.

I just wish it were closer to San Francisco.

The Undiscovered Country

The subject of suicide came up today. It reminded me of the fragility of life. We often forget how tender and vulnerable it is. Death had been on my mind; my father died in late January. This forced me to really think about what I believe about death and suicide.

I don't think that we understand suicide enough to be judge over those who attempt it or who are successful. Instead, we should show love to those who attempt it. We should love and cry with the family and friends who are impacted by it. We should show understanding.

Some religions condemn suicide and consider it a lack of faith or a sin. Instead of loving the people involved, they judge them. They seem to think that if the person had sufficient faith, she would not have committed suicide.

They forget that sometimes faith is a luxury.

In the Bible, Job had faith. He endured all the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune that was thrown his way by God's prosecutor, the satan (it is a title in Job, not a personal name). We know from the introduction that Job's suffering is caused by a friendly wager between God and his satan.

Like we see a lot of today, Job's religious friends have judged him. They believe that Job has sinned against God and that God is punishing him. They repeatedly tell him to curse God and die; literally, commit blasphemy so that God will strike him dead. After seeing the level of the trials and tribulations seemingly meted by God against Job for his sins, they can't imagine that Job is redeemable. But Job refuses their advice. He has faith.

The Book of Job even offers multiple versions of the parable to look at faith from different angles. In one, Job partially gives in; he feels sorry for himself and asks God, "Why me?" God chastises Job for his lack of faith - Job is incapable of comprehending the mind of God or his rationale.

Job is rewarded by God for his faith. That begs the question for me. Even if a person is rewarded with a new family and goods, can he ever really get past the loss of his first family? Or is it a wound that he carries as the price of faith?

Job's faith is an admirable goal, but not everyone can make it to the goalpost. Just because Job's suffering is part of God's plan, does that mean that everyone's suffering is? It seems to presume a lot to think that all bad things are tests of faith from God. Surely, our hubris undoes us if we think so.

I believe that God gave us free will. Part of that freedom is the choice of whether to live or not. We have to respect another person's decision, even if we think it is the wrong one.

I'm reminded of why American Indians made such poor slaves when the Europeans first tried to enslave us. Personal freedom was the keystone of our cultural and religious beliefs. God gave us our freedom; man was meant to be free.

Even within Indian warfare, women and children who were enslaved were usually adopted into the tribe in some capacity and given their freedom. A slave was not necessarily permanent chattel as in European slavery.

Freedom was more important to us than our lives, even if an unnatural death might mean that the person could not pass to the next world. Life without freedom was not a life worth living. It was a life without honor and harmony. Other Indians would understand their decision as rationale and honorable.

In Hamlet, Shakespeare says that the only thing that keeps us from committing suicide is the fear of the unknown. We fear not death itself, but that undiscovered country from which no travelers ever return.

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?

To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd.

Hamlet is dreaming of the sweet release from his woes. To fall asleep and know those vexing troubles no more is enticing. He wants that release.

To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;

Hamlet ponders if we continue to exist after dying. What comes next? The fear of the unknown haunts him.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

Hamlet argues with himself - reminding himself of the many tragedies that befalls man in his life.

But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

He considers the finality of death and that men often endure the pains of life rather than face the unknown after death. In fact, there might be even worse things to endure after death. He isn't even thinking about heaven or hell in a religious context. He is just considering the prospect that not knowing may mean worse to come, whatever form that eventuality might take.

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

The endurance of life is easier than facing his fear of the unknown. He acknowledges that it is his cowardice that colored his inaction. His resolve to kill himself has become 'diseased' by fear. The 'disease' of fear weakens his hand until he loses his resolve.

Many might understand the soliloquy to be about the fear of death, but it isn't. Shakespeare believes that the suicidal person already has overcome that fear.

Instead, Shakespeare suggests that the suicidal person is considering what comes after death. Sometimes the fear of the undiscovered country is all that keeps us alive.

We normally think that someone who attempts or commits suicide was not in their right mind. We ascribe irrationality to them to explain what we perceive as an irrational act. I don't think that a suicidal person is necessarily irrational.

Hamlet's soliloquy illustrates an example of a rational mind. He is weighing the cost of his death against the cost of life. In Hamlet's case, the cost of death - the fear of the unknown - is greater than the weight of life.

Were he irrational, he would kill himself without thinking about the cost of death, what comes next, or if the next world will present even greater woes than this one. His analysis of his options and capability of making a decision displays that he is capable of rational thought.

Reducing Shakespeare's theory to a mathematical equation: L = CL < style="font-style: italic;">perception of his or her options are skewed. For instance, in depression, one might not be capable of accurately perceiving and assessing all one's options. A person mired in alcoholism or drug use may be chemically unable to stop without help from others.

Sadly, there aren't always good solutions even to temporary problems. Sometimes a person who is depressed doesn't respond to any medications or therapy. Sometimes, the brain of the addicted person is so ravaged by the disease that the pain of stopping is greater than the pain of death or the unknown.

Cluster headaches are known to cause people such unending agony that even opiates don't relieve the unending pain. Perhaps, in some people, life represents a living hell where there isn't an acceptable, reasonable resolution that includes life.

In those cases, the person may not have any other choices, the strength or faith to outweigh the cost of death. For them, the benefits of death far exceeds the benefits of living. How can we judge or condemn them?

I almost died after a minor surgery many years ago. The anesthesiologist gave me too much fluid and I was drowning as my lungs filled up. The doctor refused to believe that it wasn't my asthma, although a nurse kept trying to get him to give me a shot to cue my body to dispose of the excess fluid.

My brain began shutting down functions, starting with my vision. As I struggled to breath in darkness, my hearing began to dim, too. The voices of the doctor and nurse faded, but were in the background.

A clear voice told me that it was not my time to die, but if I wished to die, it was okay. The voice was full of warmth and love.

I knew that only I was hearing the voice. I knew I was dying. It was the most peaceful experience I've ever had. There was no instruction or attempt to sway my decision. The choice was utterly and entirely mine. Further, my decision was acceptable, no matter which one I chose.

As soon as I chose to live, the voice and the peacefulness was gone. I was back, struggling for every breath with barely enough strength to make the next one.

Immediately after my decision, I heard the doctor give in and allow the nurse to administer the shot. It took an hour of hard, labored, even painful, breathing that tired me to my very core, but I lived. It took the rest of the night for my body to fully eliminate the fluid. Frankly, the cost of dying was less than the cost of living, but I saw greater benefit in living.

From that experience, I learned that we all have a choice to live or die. Further, it appears that our choice is not solely based on the cost of living or the cost of dying, but the juxtaposition of the benefit of living against the benefit of dying.

I had a choice to commit a sort of suicide or not. I knew that there was a shot that might save my life. There was a reasonable chance that I might live. Yet, it was acceptable for me to die, if I wanted to do so.

The physical cost of living was, as I already knew, cold, hard and painful. Dying would be easier; it was peaceful and warm - it would take almost no effort at all. God would not condemn me, rather God understood and would accept my choice.

Yet it was not the costs that helped me decide, it was the benefits. I knew it was not my time. I knew that there were things I wanted to do. I knew that there were people that I loved who would be hurt by my early departure.

Those benefits outweighed the cost of living as well as the benefit of death. In mathematical terms, L = BL > (CL, BD, (CL + BD)).

If the Benefits of Living outweigh the Cost of Living, the Benefits of Death or both, then it would be rational to decide to live. Likewise, if the Cost of Living or the Benefits of Death or both are greater than the Benefits of Living, I understand why someone would want to take his or her life.

I may not agree with his decision, but I'm not going to substitute my judgment for his. I must respect his decision.

It doesn't mean that I can't be concerned, offer to help in a loving way or even try to talk him off the ledge. I just have to accept his decision if he chooses death.

Sometimes philosophy sucks.

International Kilt Day

Darn! I missed another International Kilt Day. It was today. It always seems to evade my detection until the day of or day after.

As most people know, I like kilts. I have a Scottish heritage, among other things, and enjoy wearing a kilt now and again.

I trust you remembered and wore yours.

In honor of the day, I'll share my current favorite kilt t-shirt.

"Go ahead and tell another sheep joke - I'm still sharpening my claymore."

You Dirty Rat

One of the joys of eating Chinese food with my older sister is the opportunity to remind her what a rat she is. She was born in the Year of the Rat, which is this year's animal. I, as I remind her, am a Tiger.

I am gleefully watching the Chinese New Year parade tonight on television in the hope that I may find a rat that resembles my sister.

But while I was thinking about it, I turned to Wikipedia to learn more: Chinese Zodiac. It gets better, it turns out.

Her year animal is the Rat. Her heaven element is Yang Metal. Her combination element is Earth. But wait! There's more!

There is an inner animal and secret animal based on month and time. Her inner animal (month) is Dog. Her fixed element is Metal. I don't know the hour of her birth, so her Secret Animal remains, well, a secret.

Her signs have good qualities, but we needn't burden her with those. What kind of little brother would I be if I did that? They'd revoke my Pesky Brother card.

As for me, I was born in the Year of the Tiger, my heaven element is Yang Water, my combination element is Gold. My inner animal is Rat (Shhh! Don't tell my sister!). My fixed element is Water. My secret animal is either a Monkey or Rooster; I'll have to dig up my birth certificate to get the exact time before I know for sure.

Hey, Baby, what's your signs?

You Say Tomato...

Promoters of CashTomato.com couldn't even give tomatoes away today. The video website promoter's original plan was to hide tomatoes with various denominations of U.S. currency attached to the fruit in San Francisco's Dolores Park.


But weather and ill-planning thwarted their fruity fun. Someone forgot to get an event permit to use the park. The joy-thwarting police were unwilling to turn a blind eye.

Instead, they hid 500 tomatoes on the streets around Dolores Park. When that wore them down, they just tried to give the remaining 500 well-dollared tomatoes away. The homeless, residents and passers-by took the money and ran, leaving the naked 'maters to fend for themselves in the rain.

Don't cry for that lonesome fruit, people. There's pico de gallo in Fogtown tonight. People couldn't stand to see the beautiful fruit go to waste. The heroes of this story picked up the jilted love apples.

As I always say, when promoters hand you tomatoes, make gazpacho. Or better yet, make a video of how to make gazpacho and post it to CashTomato's website. They need the publicity.

Story

Kansas City Architecture - Houses III - A Modern Twist

The humble foursquare house is ubiquitous in the Midwest. From farm houses to suburban architecture, the early 20th Century builders loved this simple and humble style.

There is little ornamentation, a lot of symmetry, and with most painted a boring white, a lot to be bored about most foursquare houses.

But not this one. It is a contemporary infill house that was built in the Westwood Hills neighborhood.

There is a lot to love about this house. It fits in the upscale neighborhood in aesthetic heft and architectural weight. The owners told me that they wanted a foursquare and asked the architect make it fit, but be contemporary.

The landscape is beautiful, but appropriate. The use of stone signals that this house is of a certain period in Kansas City.

The first clue that this is not a traditional foursquare is the lack of symmetry of the windows and doors. Yet, the slightly unsymmetrical placement pleases the eye.

Although I love über-modern architecture, I have a soft spot for this type of modern aesthetic that blends into its neighborhood and subtly whispers, "I'm more than you first suspect."

Kansas City Architecture - Houses II

This house is diagonal from the castle house. It was a dog of a house for many years.

It always seems to be gay men and women who see the potential in old houses. But even I didn't see the potential in this wreck of a house.

But two gay men saw what I didn't see. I never thought that they would make a silk purse out of that sow's ear, but they proved me wrong. It is one of the most beautiful homes on Valentine Road now.

Here is to the people who can see the silk purse in old houses and make their dream come true.

Kansas City Architecture - Houses

One of the things that I enjoyed most about Kansas City, other than the fountains, sculpture and people, was the diversity of housing architecture.

This was always a favorite house - the stone castle house in the Valentine. It represents the unusual limestone architecture of the city that doesn't seem to exist in such abundance in other cities.

A visiting relative once commented to me that her favorite part of Kansas City wasn't the obvious things. She had never seen stone used on houses to such impact before. She really fell in love with the old stone houses.

Sadly, the builders don't make houses like these anymore. It is cheaper and easier to put faux stone on exteriors than build houses with such substance and presence.

But in the older neighborhoods, a man's house can still be his castle.

Palace of Fine Arts III

One last photo of the Palace of Fine Arts.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Since I returned from Kansas last weekend, it seems like we have had nonstop rain. There were a few days, like this afternoon, where the sun peeked out with its antidepressant rays of sunny goodness.

There are two more days of rain and wind to slog through until we get a week of sunshine and warmth to recover. I can hardly wait.

When I lived in Kansas City, I really didn't give much thought to running around in the rain. Now that I live in San Francisco and rely on public transportation, it changes my view entirely.

I now schedule trips to the doctor, grocery store or even to meet friends around the weather. If I can drive, I'll drive even with the rain. But there are few places to park, so one ends up walking a ways in the rain even if one drives.

I have an umbrella, of course. It just isn't enough with the wind whipping down the mountain.

One ends up cold and miserable while waiting on the always-late buses. One never can take the subway, it seems, when it rains. One's destination always requires a bus when inclement weather harasses.

I'll get used to it eventually, I'm sure. My friends and family back home are thinking, "What a whiner!" They are right, especially considering the cold, ice and rain they endure.

But until the sun shines for more than one day in a row, I'll be staring out the window, watching the rain, and singing, "Ill Wind" to the drippy panes.

Palace of Fine Arts II

More pics of the Palace of Fine Arts. Not too shabby for burlap and plaster, eh?

San Francisco - Palace of Fine Arts

The Palace of Fine Arts was built for the Panama Pacific Exposition in 1915.

It was built of wood and covered in staff, a mixture of burlap and plaster. It was meant to last a year and collapse. But San Franciscans knew a good thing when they saw it.

The Exploratorium is now built behind the Palace to provide a draw for tourists and locals alike.

Getting Started

To get the blog rolling, I thought that I'd share photos of some of my favorite places that I've been fortunate enough to live and enjoy.

I was born in south-central Kansas, but I consider Kansas City, Missouri my hometown. I lived there for more years than anywhere else. It is the City of Fountains, with more fountains than any other city in the world. It has the Country Club Plaza, the world's first shopping center, built in 1924 to resemble buildings in Seville, Spain. It also has interesting architecture that I haven't seen anywhere else.

I went to graduate school at Arizona State University and lived in Arizona afterwards several years. I really enjoyed my time there, especially wandering around the state to see all it had to offer.

I moved to San Francisco, California in 2007. One of the most photographed cities in the world, I have added my own photos to the mix.

My blog will have some ramblings and rants as time goes on, but for now, just sit back and enjoy the pictures.